Helping others resolve it.
WHEN IT IS APPROPRIATE
Both parties are willing The matter is a genuine disagreement rather than misconduct Neither has power over the other in a way that prevents honesty
WHEN IT IS NOT
Allegations of harassment, discrimination or bullying Where one party fears the other Where a formal process is required
WHY
Mediation of those matters is inappropriate and it can cause harm.
WHAT TO ESTABLISH BEFORE MEETING
Each person's account, separately What each wants Whether both will engage genuinely
WHAT TO ESTABLISH AT THE OUTSET
The purpose That both will be heard without interruption That the aim is a working arrangement, not agreement about the past Confidentiality, so far as it applies
WHY A WORKING ARRANGEMENT
Requiring people to agree about what happened usually fails.
WHAT TO DO
Have each state their position, uninterrupted Ask each to state what they understood the other to say Identify what is actually disputed Focus on what happens going forward
WHY THE RESTATEMENT STEP
It forces listening and it frequently reveals misunderstanding.
WHAT TO LOOK FOR
Points of agreement Misunderstandings Practical changes that would address the problem
WHAT TO AVOID
Deciding who is right Taking sides Allowing one party to dominate Forcing an agreement
WHY NOT DECIDING WHO IS RIGHT
It is usually impossible and it entrenches positions.
WHAT TO AGREE
Specific behaviours that will change How they will work together What happens if it does not improve
WHAT TO RECORD
The agreement, and give both parties a copy.
WHAT TO DO
Follow up, after a period.
