Finding the real issue.
WHY IT MATTERS
The stated issue is frequently not the real one.
WHAT PEOPLE PRESENT
A specific incident A complaint about behaviour A disagreement about a decision
WHAT IS FREQUENTLY UNDERNEATH
Feeling disrespected Feeling treated unfairly relative to others Uncertainty about their position An accumulation of small things A previous matter never resolved
WHY THAT MATTERS
Resolving the presented issue leaves the real one intact, and it recurs.
WHAT TO DO
Speak to each person separately, first.
WHY SEPARATELY
People say different things in front of each other.
WHAT TO ASK
What happened, from their perspective What the effect on them has been What they think the other person's view is What they want to happen
WHY THAT THIRD QUESTION
It reveals whether they have considered the other side at all.
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR
Facts, and what is interpretation Whether this is recent or long-standing Whether others are involved Whether there is a pattern
WHAT TO ESTABLISH
Whether it is a disagreement about work or about the relationship.
WHY
They require different responses.
WHAT TO DISTINGUISH
Conflict between equals Conflict involving an imbalance of power Conduct that crosses into something requiring formal handling
WHY THAT LAST DISTINCTION IS CRITICAL
Harassment, discrimination or bullying are not conflicts to be mediated; they require a formal process.
WHAT TO ESTABLISH EARLY
Which category this is.
